A diagnosis of dementia is devastating for your parent and the whole family. It is a condition that will only deteriorate, so is assisted living the answer? If so, how can your parent with dementia adjust to assisted living or memory care?
Is Assisted Living Suitable For Dementia Sufferers?
Assisted living is intended to help the elderly with daily tasks such as bathing, dressing and meal preparation. It is not designed for round the clock care. Those who are suffering from dementia would benefit more from memory care.
People in the early stages of memory loss or dementia can live in an assisted living community, but as their disease progresses they will need to be moved to a more dedicated memory facility. A second transition such as this may be very upsetting.
If there is a firm diagnosis of dementia, it is better for your parent to go into a memory care community from the outset rather than moving them twice. Dementia patients do better with structure and routine, so try to give them this from the beginning.
Have A Conversation Early
Depending on the stage of dementia that your parent is at, you should have a conversation with them about moving to assisted living. Even sufferers who are advanced in their condition have moments of clarity, so this should be possible.
Having this conversation with your parent will not be easy. They may be scared and confused, so reassurance is important. Let them know that you will do everything to make the transition as smooth as possible. And of course that you will visit them often.
Even so, this will be an emotional time for you both, and you may feel guilty or sad about considering this step. Don’t let your parent pick up on any negative emotions you are feeling as it can affect them.
Choose A Specialist Memory Care Community
You may decide that your parent is at the stage of their diagnosis where they need specialized help in a memory care community rather than assisted living. Or that it would be unfair to move them for a second time when their condition worsens.
You should prepare a list of questions to ask when you approach different facilities. These will help you make a decision based on what is best for your parent and their individual needs.
Questions about the level of medical care and staff is a good place to start. You should also be aware of what services the community provides and what needs to be considered in addition to their care, for example, medication fees. Ask also about outings and activities.
Visit The Assisted Living Community Together
When you have chosen an assisted living community, visit with your parent a few times before moving day. This allows them to get to know the staff that will be caring for them, as well as being familiar with some of the residents.
You could arrange for your parent to attend some events at the community prior to them moving in to help their transition. This should reduce some of the stress of moving day, which should be kept as low-key and calm as possible.
Moving day will be difficult for you both. Depending on the stage of their dementia, they may be upset, confused or agitated. Or they may be perfectly happy, especially if they recognize some familiar faces.
Organizing Your Parent’s Room
Moving from their home to just a room will be a challenge, especially for your parent’s belongings. You will be informed by the community management what will be provided and what you should bring for your parent to personalize their room.
Help them to choose some items such as their favorite chair or paintings. Photos of family members is a good idea. In later dementia, it is difficult for sufferers to make decisions, so you may have to make decisions about their personal belongings.
Items from their home and familiar objects can help a parent with dementia settle in quicker to their new accommodation. Some facilities provide unfurnished rooms so that you can re-create your parent’s room at home to make them feel more comfortable.
Prepare For Bad Days
Moving your parent with dementia into assisted living or memory care is an emotional time for everyone. You will be feeling a mixture of relief that they are being properly cared for, but guilt and sadness about not being able to give them that care yourself.
Don’t be hard on yourself, even medically trained people who have parents with dementia struggle to care for them and most eventually have to admit defeat and admit their parents to a specialist community.
Be prepared too for the times when your parent is having an off day and is angry or resentful at having to be in assisted living. Remind yourself that it is in their best interest and try not to get upset in their presence.
Communicate With The Staff
The best way to reassure yourself and your parent is to have ongoing communication with the care staff. Encourage your parent to speak to the staff and get them comfortable discussing things they may be otherwise reluctant to talk about, especially medical issues.
Familiarity between you, your parent and the staff will allow them to understand your parent’s background and their likes and dislikes. This is important for dementia sufferers, as consistency and routine is fundamental to their ongoing care and wellbeing.
The better the caregivers know your parent, the easier it will be to help settle them in their new home. Connecting with them on a personal level will help make your parent feel at ease with their carers.
Deciding what is best for your parent with dementia is difficult and emotional. You only want what is best for them and their quality of life. So take your time choosing the right assisted living or memory care for your parent to help them make the adjustment.
